With Halloween right around the corner parents everywhere are scrambling to find the perfect costume for their little one.

Here are 5 costumes you should never dress your son or daughter in. Wait did I say never?

I mean you should definitely dress your son and daughter up in them.

1) Can Lady

I’ve yet to see a can lady with child, but we can assume this little tyke just brought her along for some companionship and not as part of the costume.

The homeless costume to the right which follows this same theme is costume ingenuity at its finest.

2) A Condom

It’s never too early to teach your kids about safe sex…uh…wait, yes it is.

3) A box of Cigarettes

In my day you used to be able to hop on your bicycle, ride down to the candy shop, and pick up a stick of gum wrapped up like a cigarette… at age ten. Not three. I guess the tobacco industry finally figured out how to hit that untapped target market of toddlers.

4) Marijuana Leaf

They say marijuana is a gateway drug which probably means if you go with this costume, your son or daughter will probably want to be a pill of ecstasy in 2014.

5) A Naughty Leopard

One can only conclude that this costume was designed by a sicko you don’t want anywhere near your child who also has never even seen a leopard.

I’ve been to many a zoo in my day and I’ve yet to see a tale-less purple and black leopard wearing a dress.

And a naughty leopard? What exactly is that? The type of leopard who instead of attacking an antelope in a flurry of claws, teeth and dust, choose to lure the antelope in with sultry strip teases?

Naughty and toddler should never be printed in the same vicinity.

Regardless of how bad these aforementioned costumes are, they still beat Halloween from 1913 as depicted below. If I ever want to stay awake to get some work done I figured out how – just look at this picture for twenty seconds. You won’t sleep a wink. There is absolutely nothing in this picture not petrifying.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM PAMPERS N’ PINTS!