Why on earth would the internet waste bandwidth publishing this blog?
Well today, almost anyone with a trusty internet connection, and a computer that hasn’t been infected with email viruses from Viagra ads, penis enlargement incentives, and inquires to help a stranger in Nigeria rid himself of one-million dollars all in the hope of finding a meager one-bedroom apartment in your hometown can conjure up a blog.
Ok, enter valid email address, carry the one, subtract the two and… Yahtzee! We have ourselves another blogger folks. Even better, in internet speak, that means one can even call themselves a writer! How ya’ like that Edgar Allen Poe?
What you won’t find in this blog:
For starters you won’t find any status updates about me or my baby like you do on Facebook when one of us sneezes, heats up a bowl of macaroni, or realizes far too late that the chili-cheese nachos were a bad choice.
You also won’t pick up any tips on how to change a diaper, swaddle, or actually care for a baby. There are plenty of blogs out there for that, some of which accomplish the same goal as Ambien, a compact disc that plays nature sounds or an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Ok, ok, take it easy I know some of you are thinking, what about Lady in the Water? The Village? Sixth Sense?
What’s that? Oh you were thinking more about the first part – the part about how a baby blog isn’t going to talk about how to care for a baby. Got it.
I’m not saying you won’t pick up a few tidbits, but purely through the eyes of an amateur. WIth that said I encourage you to commiserate with this amateur as he navigates through the labyrinth of parenting.
So get to it already, what is this blog actually about? Anything at all?
If you’re a Dad, about to be a dad, or think you might be dad because you recently woke up on a trolley heading to San Diego via Tijuana two mornings ago wearing only women’s underwear then this blog is for you. I was about as prepared for fatherhood as a Tyrannosaurus at a juggling competition so you will definitely find comfort in my tales of my ad hoc parenting when you realize another dad out there is more of an idiot than yourself. You’re welcome.
If you are anyone other than a father who also enjoys laughing then this blog is for you as well.
The majority of the blog is about the first part of the title (Pampers) and you’re guaranteed read about burp-slappin’, binkie-throwin’, breastmilk-tootin’ musings regarding futile fathering attempts at child-rearing.
The second part (Pints) was really thrown in just so I can maintain this image of myself as this hip, social partier, when in reality I’m shackled by a leash coincidentally just long enough for me to reach the crib and the changing table.
This doesn’t mean I believe you should be drinking while actually taking care of your child or even drinking then falling on the bathroom floor while trying to eat a hamburger in front of them. The fact of the matter is every decent, trying parent deserves a beer once in a while to take the edge off. Therefore, in order to keep lying to myself and the readers I will also be posting the beer I’m currently drinking when writing the blog. I drink whenever I write a blog? No who said that?! That would be completely irresponsible, immature, and downright – Wait, what was the question?
So let me get this straight, I get baby comedy and beer tips all at the same time? Ok, I’m putting in my two week notice at work, and telling my family I’ve moved to Madagascar just to allow myself more time to read.
Whatever brought you here, thanks for stopping by and checking out the blog. It was inspired by the arrival of my first son Logan (left) born on June 21st, 2013. He is absolutely amazing, and I feel extremely blessed to have him in my life, but like any Catholic priests will tell you – blessings only get you so far when it comes to caring for children.
So I hope you enjoy reading the musings as much as I enjoy writing them.