The Baby Apocalypse

“Only baby blog on the web that manages to talk about baby dreams and a primate being pelted in the family jewels in the same entry…”   – Random reader that doesn’t exist Typically the sound of a screaming giraffe being attacked by a lion, just moments away from its imminent demise coming from your bedroom…

The Least Favorite Person in the Delivery Room

A tale of a dad-to-be attempting…and failing to comfort his wife during labor For a dad-to-be, the best way to prepare for labor tasks that lie ahead is to teleport via time machine to a civilization just before a hostile conquering occurs. After your village is ransacked, voluntarily enslave yourself, then live out the rest…

Lake Jingleheimer Is My Lake Too

Tales from the “Big Day” Preparing for the day of birth is a lot like preparing for Gettysburg. Your gear is packed and loaded, you’ve trained for months, and you’re confident that the agreement you made with your partner ahead of time will stand in the heat of battle. (This is the pact made during…

I’m Not Touching You

As the due date draws nearer and then passes completely, you start to wonder if there’s actually a baby coming or if it’s just a bunch of dancing organs in your wife’s belly. Sure, I’d seen a few ultrasounds, spoken to a doctor or two, and felt kicks, but how do I know the movements…

Foreskin Optional

In the school lunchroom if you procrastinated telling your buddy he had brownie smudged on his teeth the worst that happened was his cheerleader crush opted for a much cleaner-toothed date to winter formal. Procrastinating talking about important decisions with your wife during the final weeks of pregnancy has much graver consequences such as finding…