Numbers are in… Toy Flops of 2013 Holiday Season

The 2013 holiday season was a big one for the country. Toy sales were up signaling the return of the economy and happy kids. Not all toys found success this Christmas and now just a few weeks after Christmas, the Q4 numbers are out. Here are some of the failures of the 2013 holiday season.


Sesame Street Big Hugs Chauncey

Investors made millions on Tickle Me and Big Hugs Elmo and were expecting the same results when Chauncey was released. What they failed to prognosticate was that children go crazy for Elmo, not for actions of affection. Oh that and ultimately no child wanted to be hugged by a weathered, homeless man reeking of whiskey and leftover yams. The company hopes for better results when Tickle Me Mustache Man hits shelves this March.

doc mcDoc McStuffins Get Better Checkup Center: Colonoscopy Edition

Checking your buddy’s temperature or even putting on a fake band-aid is fun; inserting plastic tubing where the sun don’t shine isn’t so much.

We can play this game all night, but your pupils are the size of saucers owl. Did you or did you not take anything in the club - and don't respond with "Who-Who" again. I'm talking about you.

We can play this game all night, but your pupils are the size of saucers owl. Did you or did you not take anything in the club – and don’t respond with “Who-Who” again. I’m talking about you.

Peek-a-Boo Forest featuring Hoot the Friendly Raver

Playing peek-a-boo with a person with a normal set of eyes can be scary enough.

Playing peek-a-boo with a carnivorous bird of prey whose pupils are more dilated than a club-goer in a Manhattan club at 10am is downright scary.

guidoDoc McStuffins Stuffed Lasagna with bonus Guido

Failing to utilize a market research study where 99 out of 100 consumers opted for a lamb over hairy Italian man, the company lost millions. Instead of opting for the safe play, they pinned their hopes on the lone survey taker who had just returned from a three-day Cast of Sopranos foam party.

thomas trian

We get it Thomas, but would an oil shower kill you once in a while? You’re wilting our garden with the stench.

Thomas the Solar Powered, Grass-Fed, Gluten-Free, GMO-Friendly, Vegan Train

Failing to capitalize on the most popular train in gift history, toy makers attempted to corner the eco-friendly, energy conscious toy market which currently doesn’t exist. The worst was realized when children opened up their train box to find a rotting odoriferous mess of plastic.

Other failed toys of 2013 Holiday Season

Truck Stop Superman

Truck Stop Superman

Trixie the Pole-dancing Doll

Trixie the Pole-dancing Doll

Jaggermeister Ferbie

Jaggermeister Ferbie

Reginald the Super-Friendly Dinosaur

Reginald the Super-Friendly Dinosaur

Investors are already back to the drawing board hoping for better results next holiday, but more of the same results will be expected Christmas 2014.

3 thoughts on “Numbers are in… Toy Flops of 2013 Holiday Season

  1. Pingback: 1st Birthday Gift Ideas | Pampers n' Pints

  2. Disturbing that there are these toys. I saw the Pole Dancer toy in Fry’s Last Christmas and I was flabbergasted…..(blast from the past). I’m not even sure if I’ve ever been gasted, with or without the flabber, but I’m getting off the subject. Big shout out to Chauncey. Nothing a good shower couldn’t fix, maybe washing his pee stained pants would give him his pep in his step. Just a thought. Keep the blog posts coming. Reminds me of days gone by as a young father.


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