The Baby Apocalypse

“Only baby blog on the web that manages to talk about baby dreams and a primate being pelted in the family jewels in the same entry…”   – Random reader that doesn’t exist Typically the sound of a screaming giraffe being attacked by a lion, just moments away from its imminent demise coming from your bedroom…

The Least Favorite Person in the Delivery Room

A tale of a dad-to-be attempting…and failing to comfort his wife during labor For a dad-to-be, the best way to prepare for labor tasks that lie ahead is to teleport via time machine to a civilization just before a hostile conquering occurs. After your village is ransacked, voluntarily enslave yourself, then live out the rest…

Lake Jingleheimer Is My Lake Too

Tales from the “Big Day” Preparing for the day of birth is a lot like preparing for Gettysburg. Your gear is packed and loaded, you’ve trained for months, and you’re confident that the agreement you made with your partner ahead of time will stand in the heat of battle. (This is the pact made during…

Foreskin Optional

In the school lunchroom if you procrastinated telling your buddy he had brownie smudged on his teeth the worst that happened was his cheerleader crush opted for a much cleaner-toothed date to winter formal. Procrastinating talking about important decisions with your wife during the final weeks of pregnancy has much graver consequences such as finding…

Assume The Position

Tales from the 3rd Trimester Getting ready for the immediate arrival of a baby is a lot like riding on an airplane and the attendant announces all passengers should assume ‘crash positions’ just before plunging into the Atlantic at 600 miles per hour. As if the position of your body will make any difference when…

We’re Having a Penis

Tales from the 2nd Timester: Part II As continued from Part I The second trimester is by far the best trimester. Granted, there are only three to choose from so if the first trimester is reading this blog, don’t be too down on yourself. Your wife has hopefully kissed morning sickness goodbye, the mass confusion…

My Husband Thinks I’m Fat

Tales from the 2nd Trimester: Part I In the wild, satisfying your pregnant partner’s food cravings can be quite difficult. Rumor has it expectant cavemen fathers would often fake an old wooly mammoth battle injury in hopes of evading their wife’s craving requests. Luckily today, man has traded hunting and gathering for supermarkets which are…

Smarter Than Your Average Bear

Tales from the 1st Trimester With the first trimester comes an emotional roller coaster of mood swings, nausea, and bizarre food cravings. And then of course there was how my wife was feeling. I was about prepared for a pregnancy as a Tyrannosaurus was for a face-slapping competition with Gumby. How did this actually happen,…